Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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