the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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