Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
