I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
