big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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