Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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