lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
