and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
