Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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