Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
