I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
