I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
