I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
