My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
