So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
