My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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