i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
