Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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