Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
