I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
