they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
