Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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