so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
