so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
