i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
