The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I smell like Dick and happiness
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
