And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
