have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
