we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
