dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
