he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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