Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
that may or may not have been my penis.
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