So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
