Porn is love you can see.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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