worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
