Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
