I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
