her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
