i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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