I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
