what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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