Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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