You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
