Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
