Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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