I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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