I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
