I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
