Cold hands, warm shart.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
