I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
